So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
