Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There r osticjed everywhere
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
