No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
