We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
