I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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