remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
