Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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