She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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