Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
