Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
