anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
