just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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