The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
