ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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