you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
