Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
