some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
