kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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