I got her a Nickelback box set.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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