If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
