I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
