Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
