respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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