Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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