So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we're making bets on your personal life
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
