i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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