if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
