I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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