Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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