It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
