I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
