i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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