Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
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