It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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