I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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