Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
