margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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