I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
