OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
