You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
