Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
