I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Michael Bay diarrhea
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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