Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
