OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
