she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
