I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
