Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
