another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
