Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
