I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
