a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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