you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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