Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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