it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
