i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
