dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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