did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
