Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
