i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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