so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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