He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
