i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
