I forgot how hot balto sounded
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
