like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
