I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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