Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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