youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
