You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
