I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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