Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
