I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.