He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
