Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my shit smells like andre
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night