Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast