I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.