Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.