I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
