WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
