return my video game
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
