so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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