he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
