Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
