maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
